I sit alone on my bed,
lights out..
I should be sleeping but I can't..
Knowing that you're here,
that I'm not safe from you, still.
You're free to come back and hurt me.
Tired of the fight almost everyday,
I'll let you.
Praying through it all,
hoping that I'll still have the strength to get up
another day a fake a smile.
Hearing your foot steps,
I jump up....
watching the door,
you peak your head in my room.
Your features are different,
not the same as usual...
That only frightens me more...
You let yourself in, closing the door behind you.
I watch you come closer to me...
Holding the cover tighter to my body.
You kneel on your knees,
laying your head in my lap....
crying...
Not knowing what to do,
I stare...
Your sobs disgusting me...
Your tears, seeping through my clothes...
burning my skin...
Yet, I can't push you away...
Why? ...
I hate you...
But still my heart feels heavy for you....
'Do onto those as you wish to be done onto you.'
That rings in my ear...
So I embrace my rapist...
The man who's hurt me repeatedly...
knowing the wrong in his actions...
No words were said...
I wouldn't have had it anyother way..
After hours of me comforting you(r) ....
sorrow, self pitty...guilt? ....
You stand up, and back away...
looking me in my eyes...
Shaking your head...
saying aloud,
' I don't know what's wrong with me, '
I can't say anything...
so I just look,
you then pull a gun from your pants....
my eyes bulge...
my heart rate speeds up...
palms getting sweaty...
I try to say your name aloud...
nothing comes out....
You hold the gun out to me...but I shake me head...
'no, '
is all i can bare to whisper...
nodding, you say,
' I'm sorry.... forgive me? '
Nodding my head.....shutting my eyes tight...
I whisper..
'I do, '
Hearing your body hit the ground....
my eyes open...
'So am I, '
I say...
Waking up the next morning..
thinking it was all a dream...
stretched out of bed..
I look down and see my feet in a puddle of blood....
It's true....
I am free........
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